


Time and Time Again

by MistLaFey



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Characters listed after Dadbert don't talk, Dave's POV, Hopeful Ending, Immortal/Reincarnated lover AU, M/M, References to Classical Literature (Pride and Prejudice), Reincarnation AU, background Dirk/Jake - Freeform, background Rose/Kanaya, i made myself cry writing this, slight mention of abuse, slight mention of drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:47:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25934638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistLaFey/pseuds/MistLaFey
Summary: Dave is Immortal. Karkat isn't. You can figure it out from there.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 7
Kudos: 58





	Time and Time Again

The first time we meet, we love each other. It’s innocent and kind, the way first loves are meant to be. Neither of us are jaded by pain or anger or distrust.

You die in my arms.

It's not your fault, and it's not mine. I weep as you bleed but you smile and say "This won't be the last time we meet, don't worry."

I cry harder.

You pushed me out of the way of a car. I later learned it wouldn't have killed me if I had been hit.

* * *

The second time I find you, it’s too late for us to be together. I take the classes you teach. I pursue a degree in literature I don’t want or need, but I get to be close to you. I excel in your classes, I become your assistant. I become your friend.

You die in a hospital bed when you’re 93 years old. I watch you take your last breath with a laugh on your lips and I hold onto that memory until I can find you again.

* * *

It takes another 93 years for you to be born again. At this point I’m not sure if it’s a coincidence or if it means something, but I find you when you’re 22. 

You insist that I annoy the crap out of you. You call me names and I laugh. It’s more the joy of having you in my life again than finding you funny, but I don’t dare tell you that.

At least, of course, until you shove me against a vending machine in a west campus hallway and silence my laughter with your own mouth. It’s the first time I’ve kissed you in 200 years and I can’t catch my breath when you walk away from me. 

I don’t let you get very far. You don’t even make it to the end of the hallway, actually.

I get five years with you, this time. Then you walk away from me. I can’t tell if it hurts more to watch you die or to watch you leave.

* * *

The next time I find you, you’re dating someone. She’s nice. Her laughter is bubbly and her eyes are bright green, the kind that shines when she smiles. She enjoys gardening, and loves the dogs you’ve adopted together, and I can tell she loves you.

I walk away.

One lifetime hurts, but it’s not my place to try to steal you away from your happiness.

* * *

I’m still waiting for you when I run into the green-eyed girl again. She’s the one who explains to me what’s happening.

“Something tied his soul to this world. It could be you, or you could have just gotten caught up in his reincarnation cycle. It happens sometimes, with immortals like us.”

“Immortals?”

“Well, yeah, Dave. You can’t tell me that you think a normal human can live, what, 500 years?”

Well. Huh.

Jade and I become friends after that. She makes the loneliness a little less severe.

* * *

Jade and I are still together when you find us again. You’re too young when we meet, just six years old, but we befriend your parents. They’re wonderful people, kind and caring, and we know you’ll be alright.

We leave you to your life.

Six years later we read an article in the local paper. You’ve drowned.

* * *

The next time I find you I haven’t seen Jade in fifty years. You’re 26, and I introduce myself to you at a club in New Orleans. You introduce me to your sister and the pretty blonde girl she’s dating. Rose slips a note into my suit pocket when I’m not looking.

“I know what you are, let’s talk,” it says, and lists a phone number beneath it. She and I spend the better part of the next two days talking, and I find she’s in the same situation with Kanaya as I am with you.

I see Rose a lot after that. For some reason you and Kanaya end up near each other quite often. Sometimes she’s your sister, your friend, your cousin, once she was your mother. I have to wonder if it’s our interference in your lives that keeps the two of you together.

* * *

The times I find you and you hate me are the worst.

* * *

I watch you destroy yourself twice in a row. Once with drugs, once with a boyfriend you won’t leave even when he breaks your arm. I tried to help you both times.

The drugs take you quietly into the abyss.

The boyfriend makes sure I hear you scream into the phone.

* * *

I waste six of your lifetimes after that. I can’t bear to be with you, and I can’t watch as I lose you again.

I track down Jade.

I spend six of your lifetimes with her.

I’ve developed a second sense for you now. I know when you’re alive. I know when you die.

I weep into Jade’s shoulder six times, and I can’t bear to do it a seventh.

* * *

The next time I find you, I tell you. I tell you I’m immortal, and that I’ve watched you die over a hundred times, that there’s been a hundred more I’ve missed. I tell you there hasn’t been a single lifetime where I didn’t love you.

You laugh and tell me I’m crazy.

You walk away.

* * *

The time after that is slower, I build up to it. And this time I have Jade and Rose back me up. You still think I’m crazy.

“That’s really romantic, though, Dave,” you smile when you lean up to kiss me.

Twenty years pass, and we’re still together. You grow older every day, and I grow more worried about your health. I don’t age at all and you can see the fear in my eyes every time you get a cold or mention an ache.

“Don’t worry so much. I want to enjoy our time together. You’ll find me again, but I won’t remember. I only get one chance to love you.”

I nod and do my best to hide my fears. It must work.

You smile when you die. “I’ll see you again,” are your last words.

* * *

I’m at a bar in Chicago with Jade and Rose when I feel it. The sharp pain that means you’re born again. I smile and share a look with Rose, then buy a round for the whole bar.

A week later she does the same at a club in Seattle, and we meet John for the first time. He comes over to thank us for the drink and it’s Jade that recognizes him for what he is. He’s the first immortal any of us know of whose father is immortal too.

We spend the twenty years Rose and I wait for you and Kanaya learning how to blend in better, how to fake ageing and dying without stealing new identities. It’s easier to get by with the international connections Mr. Egbert has.

He doesn’t know anything about how or why immortals exist.

* * *

It’s your 231st rebirth, yours and Kanaya’s both, when Rose says something feels off. You aren’t anywhere near each other, this time, which is odd in and of itself but when Rose finds Kanaya we feel a spark of recognition that we’d never hoped to see from either of you.

Kanaya walks up to Rose in a coffee shop, looking confused and hopeful, “I’m sorry to intrude,” she says, “But you look so familiar to me. Have we met?”

Rose smirks, “In another lifetime.”

I try not to laugh. I fail.

“There’s something strange about you,” Kanaya continues.

“Yes, there is. Would you like to find out what?”

And Kanaya joins us at our table. It takes us an hour and a half and a video call to John and Jade to explain what’s going on.

Somehow, some way, Kanaya is immortal this time too.

I can’t find you.

The pain in my chest makes me wail when you die.

* * *

I lose three more of your lifetimes, unable to find you. I’d been getting lucky, it seems, when you were born near Kanaya. Rose had always had a good idea of where she needed to go to find her, and I’d always tag along.

Sometimes it hurts to remember that Kanaya has no idea who you are now. She’s going to like you when I find you again.

* * *

Another thirty lifetimes pass. Sometimes I find you, sometimes I don’t. I’ve been your friend, your lover, your student, your teacher. Each time you leave it hurts a little more. I can’t stop seeking you out. You’re a constant temptation for me when I know you’re alive.

I wait to find you as long as I can.

I stumble across you in supermarkets, in bars, in concerts.

I never find you when I look for you.

* * *

I’m with John when something feels strange. He doesn’t notice anything but his father sees something off in my behavior.

“You alright, Dave?” Mr. Egbert asks.

“I-? I think so?”

John blinks, confused, “Is it Karkat?”

“I’m not sure. It doesn’t feel like it’s him.”

I find out later that feeling is another immortal way down my family tree being born. 47 years and I meet Dirk, my however many great-fuck-you-grandnephew. He looks maybe 20. I start calling him my brother.

* * *

Dirk is lucky, I think. He only had to wait five lifetimes before Jake came back an immortal. I’m still waiting.

* * *

The first time I find you after Jake is immortal, you’re hanging out with someone named Roxy Lalonde. It takes me twenty minutes to realize they’re like me, and another thirty to realize 'Lalonde' means they’re probably related to Rose.

Sometimes I’m a little slow on the uptake.

You get to meet Rose and Kanaya, and I was right. Kanaya does like you.

It only takes three years for us to lose you again. This time you had cancer.

* * *

Your 317th lifetime feels different. You feel far, far, far away. I can’t find you.

Your death feels like it fades more than the sharp pain I’m used to.

It scares me.

* * *

Your 318th lifetime hits me like a ton of bricks. You’re born to a young, single mother who lives two floors below me.

I move out of the building faster than you can say “Texas.”

* * *

John is slightly different than the rest of us, he and his father both. They keep in contact with their bloodline when the rest of us ended up missing persons reports. It’s because of this that we all get to witness two young immortals grow from child to parent to child again. Jessie and Jane Crocker join our bunch of misfit immortals.

I still wait for you.

* * *

I wake up slowly on the day you’re born for the 400th time. Usually your birth rips through my chest like a gunshot and leaves me gasping with the heat of it. This time, though, it’s like a warmth blossoming.

I wonder what it means for twenty-two years, and then I find you.

You’re studying literature again. You look like you always do, shaggy hair, kind eyes that seem a deep red in the sunlight, and a sweater two sizes too big and too warm for the Phoenix climate.

You’re reading a book I’m familiar with, thanks to that literature degree I never wanted. I walk up to you as you’re sitting outside the coffee shop and take the seat across from yours. You look up at me when I sit down without invitation, and I say, “You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

You tilt your head and close the book, and I’m wondering if this is going to be one of the lifetimes where you hate me. I really hope that isn’t the case.

“You’re a fan of Jane Austen?”

Okay, so maybe you won’t hate me.

“Someone I loved very much convinced me to read it.”

You smile and I feel the heat of it in my heart. Then you say words I’d never hoped to hear, “You seem really familiar. Have we met before?”

“Yeah. I can tell you all about it, if you want.”

* * *

You aren’t born a 401st time.


End file.
